My Head From My Ass…

Posted: November 11, 2013 in determination, heartbreak, limbo, overcoming

I was just talking with some friends and I said some things about how I am doing right now.  The things I said, seemed appropriate blog material.  So here goes.

My life is a whirlwind right now, highs and lows, ups and downs.  Half the time I don’t know my head from my ass.  I am excited and terrified.  One minute I am smiling and the next…tears stream down my face.

I move half way across the country one week from tomorrow.  As the day get closer, the days move faster and somehow in slow motion.  Like when you fall.  You know you are falling, you feel as if you are moving in slow motion and have no control over the fall itself, not how you land, not the hurt you know will come.  And once you hit the ground, all you can think about is how fast it all happened.  My life is at that point, the point where I am falling.  I am moving in slow motion, I see it all happening to me and yet, I have no control over the hurt I will feel in the end.  In all honesty, I can’t even brace myself for the painful landing, I just have to deal with the fact that it is coming.  It is coming and it will hurt and I will lay there for a bit, catching my breath.  Then I will wipe my tears, brush the dirt off, assess my wounds and dress them.  I will stand up, wobbly at first and take a step, then another and another.  I will walk a little faster, the pain will fade and I will find myself running again.  I know I will do all these things.  But right now, I am falling.  So, please bear with me in the next few weeks and especially right now.  My writings will be on a whim, no set days.  I will be writing when I need the release.  All I ask, is that you send positive thoughts my way.  I need them.  And a parting thought.  I may not know my head from my ass right now, but I sure as hell will…

Thank you.  x

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Comments
  1. Anthony says:

    So many questions – although I don’t know if I should ask them – maybe I’m out of line here…what’s wrong? Why are you moving? Where are you moving? What are you moving away from? What are you moving to???

    Basically, I wish you well – good luck always, whether or not you want to answer any of those questions – the important thing is you being happy!!

    XOOX

    • ryterrong says:

      It is very complicated. But basically it is like starting my life over. I am moving away from the world I have created on the east coast and moving in with my grown kids (23 and 21) and their respective others. I will be renting a room and finishing a novel. All the rest is very personal and I would rather not write it here. Vague works for me.
      Thank you for the good luck wishes. Time will work it all out. I am just at a difficult part at the moment.

      x

  2. what a coincidence! i don’t know my head from my ass either. great minds think alike, right? i wish you all the best in making your move. i know it’s a traumatic and arduous experience. if you’ve moved before you know it might take some time to find good friends, but once you do, you’ll appreciate them all the more for having had to wait. also, keep those family and social networks strong to help you avoid being overpowered by loneliness. writing, as i’m sure you’ll agree, is cathartic, and is much better for you than drinking. i really enjoy your extended falling analogy: it sums up what life is–one long fall. best of luck in having as soft a landing as possible!

    • ryterrong says:

      Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I am now moved as of last week. And my newest post will let you know how I am adjusting and what I am adjusting to. 🙂 It is the softest landing I could ever had hoped for.

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