Murder, Dungeons and Face Licking

Posted: December 13, 2013 in funny, Grown kids, humor, mom's

Well, this week has been interesting, to say the least.  The week started out with me in the kitchen, doing dishes and my son’s fiance in the bathroom putting on her makeup.  I can’t remember if the boys were home or not.  I suppose it wouldn’t matter, as one is married to my daughter and the other has learned the art of looking away quickly if he sees more skin than clothes out of the corner of his eye.  My daughter came traipsing through the house, clad in nothing more than her sweat pants and fuzzy socks, holding her bare breasts in her hands and yelling, “Anybody seen my bra?”  My son’s fiance came out of the bathroom and saw my daughter, then she looked at me and shook her head.  I did the same and went back to doing the dishes, as she went back to doing her make up.

I went to a museum with my son.  He had to go to complete a project for college and asked me to come along.  I used to take him when he was a kid.  So many memories came flooding back, like being banned by his teacher from assisting with student field trips.  I caused problems apparently.  First, every time you go over rail road tracks in the school bus, we all had to be quiet and raise our hand.  I thought that just applied to the kids.  I didn’t know that I couldn’t keep talking to my friend, the stay at home dad.  And at the museum, it was the first time we were ever exposed to Georgia O’Keefe.  I stood there, behind the kids, staring at a painting and thinking…that reminds me of something.  I must have looked confused, because stay at home dad leaned over and whispered…I am having deja vu’ of exiting my mother’s womb and entering the world.  That was it!  I giggled and we were scolded.  Then we came to the next painting and I swear all I could see were lady parts from that point on and the little girl in me would not stop giggling.  So, yes…banned.

Anyway, long story short about the museum.  I oooo’d and awwwww’d all over the museum, whisking my poor son from exhibit to exhibit.  I would get an inch from the sculpture or painting and take pics.  My son would whisper…mom, you’re too close, the guards are hovering.  I would just smile and shoo him away.  They never said anything to me directly.  I would rename the work things like…OMG Where are his parts? (looked like it had been broken off) or oooooo Creepy lady…or this one carving had a man holding a woman’s breast so I called it  ”well, okay then…”  My son laughed a lot at the things I would point out or say or ask, like, is that naked person a man or a woman?  He would smile when I would gasp at beauty or point out small details that left me utterly speechless.  It was an icy ride there, remnants from the ice storm, and an icy ride home.  But so very very fun.

Another time, I came in the kitchen and my daughter was standing there with her pajama shirt over her head and buttoning it up.  I asked what she was doing.  She said she was cold.  That was weird so I took a pic.  I will show you all.

Another night,  the girls were being silly in the hallway, my daughter in my son’s fiance’s lap, threatening to lick her face.  She had her pinned.  My son’s fiance was fighting her off and laughing so hard she cried.  I got another pic.

And lastly, I went on a friend date.  I haven’t been out with someone of the opposite sex (not in a relationship with) … ever.  I was so nervous.  But the kids were just plain freaked out!  I told them I would be going to dinner with a friend I met playing an online game.  I we have spent the last 6 months building this friendship.  He lives with his girlfriend and said she was fine with us going to dinner.  The kids were all…he’s not real…you met him online…he will kill you!  I tried to calm their fears.  But my son, daughter and son in law were all worried about me.  They kept saying, he will rape and murder you.  So my son took my phone and put in his number, my daughter’s number and his fiance’s number to make sure I could call them all on speed dial.  Then he would test me to make sure I knew which number was his and how to dial him using speed dial.  My daughter came to me with a switchblade and make me practice opening and closing it and had me put it in my purse.  The son in law was concerned because I don’t have my CHL anymore and therefore can’t carry a gun.  I looked at my son’s fiance and said, “Well, at least you are aren’t worried I will get raped and murdered.  What on earth is wrong with them?”  She said, “I don’t know.  I don’t worry about you getting murdered.  I worry that you will get kept in a dungeon forever.”  I just shook my head.

He showed up and the kids weren’t too obnoxious, no inquisition.  We got in his car and we were only two houses down and my daughter was sending me a text.  She sent a few more but then she calmed down a bit…I think.  Dinner went well.  Conversation was nice.  And he brought me home.  But I don’t think I am ready for friend dates.  I need more time to heal, more time to spend with my kids and more time to learn me.  And I am pretty sure this pleases my kids.  They breathe easier now.  I do have to admit, it is sweet how loved I feel by my kids.  The worry about me, the same way I worry about them.

And leaving you on a funny note, my son’t fiance lost her keys.  This is a common occurrence and my daughter always helps her find them.  But what made me laugh was my son.  He hollered at his fiance, “Did you look in your bra?  I can check there for you.”  I laughed so hard but they girls just ignored him.  He said to me, “Yeah, I say that every time.   She don’t pay any attention anymore.”

Now to get started on Game of Thrones.  My son in law put them on that stick thing that goes in my computer and makes magic appear.

Thank you for reading and have a great week!  xImageImage

My daughter’s link.  The week through her eyes.

http://victoryasite.wordpress.com/2013/12/13/i-have-discovered-fire/

And here is yet a third perspective by my son’s fiance.

http://theotherdaughterofshe.wordpress.com/2013/12/14/theyve-sucked-me-in/

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Comments
  1. bknight47 says:

    Interesting week, I just hope there are no dragons in that dungeon, nothing worse than dungeons and dragons. Looking forward to your next edition…B

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