Where the Sidewalk Ends…

Posted: February 28, 2014 in adventure, family, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Oh dear, this week.  I haven’t really seen much of most of my family this week.  Crazy work schedules and school have prevented it and I miss them.

I suppose this week is going to have a couple of adventures listed but mostly it’s about how I feel about things.  I say lets talk about feelings first.  Writer’s platforms.  They sound simple enough, you need to get your name out there.  Alright, I can do that.  Let’s make a Facebook profile and go from there.  I did and I made a webpage and a twitter and a linked in and stumbleupon and reddit, etc.  But then you develop a wonderful, beautiful group of people who are interested in you and all you have to offer.  You find yourself interacting and not writing.  So I am trying to find that balance.  I hate to be away from the wonderful people I am developing new relationships with, but the book will not write itself.  So I am going to have to train myself to pull away and write for a few hours each day.  Then I can check back in a bit and back to writing.  I can do this!

My love life is interesting.  I don’t want to go into to much on that.  I have found that new love is wonderful, like a drug.  You are showered in affection and attention and it feels amazing.  Then time passes and you get to know each other and things settle down.  And you start wondering if you can even fit into their world.  You wonder what is the best way to move things around in your own to make room for them.  And sometimes you even realize that maybe your own world is so easy, so little complications, its pretty simple to move things around and say…climb in.  There is a place where he can fit so perfectly.  And you look at his world and it’s a beautiful, exciting, a fun whirlwind of a world with stunning people.  And you just don’t see a spot for you.  You really don’t see how you can possibly fit into it.  It can cause an internal panic of sorts.  What do you do?  I can’t answer that yet.  Maybe next weeks blog.

Relationship with my kiddos.  It seems I have done something over the last 8 years, since I discovered the internet.  I don’t pay full attention to them when they talk to me.  I love that I am close enough to them that they, particularly my daughter, can tell me anything.  She said they know that I only pay half attention and they have accepted it, but they would really like me to really hear them.  So I have made a new rule.  If they need to talk to me, they need to just come to me and say just that.  “Mom, I need to talk to you.”  And I will close the computer and actually listen to them.  They are my world and what truly matters in my life and I owe them that.  Shame on me, but I will do it right, from now on.  Love my babies.

Next, I was walking home from work one night and something bad happened.  Yes, it could have been much worse.  Thank goodness it wasn’t.  There are two streets close to my home.  I have to choose one to cross.  Neither of them have crosswalks and there are 6 lanes in all to cross.  That particular night it was rush hour.  So I waited for the light to turn green.  I saw a car to my left and wondered if he would turn left or go straight.  He did not have on a blinker, but I felt I should give him a minute to see if he would go straight.  He did and so when he got to the second lane, I ran across the street.  When I reached the middle of the second lane, he reached the third and decided to turn.  He almost hit me.  My hands went up, I screamed and jumped back, cars honked in warning and he slammed on his brakes.  The front of his vehicle was hot under my hand.  A second car swerved to avoid hitting him and also nearly hit me.  With my heart racing and body shaking, I made it home.  That was a defining moment for me.  My first thought was “omg…hospital bill!” as I do not have insurance and already owe quite a bit to the hospital.  My second thought, “my babies”  and my third thought, “I haven’t finished my book” after that, it was all the people I love and adore.  I don’t ever want to feel that again…ever.  If I am gonna risk my life in the street, I want it to be on my terms.

And guess what happened?  Well, the next day I needed to walk home again and I was scared.  No one was home to call and ask for a ride.  But my daughter was home without a car.  She walked over to get me.  She met me at the other light.  I smelled food and hadn’t eaten all day.  I asked her if she was hungry and she said yes.  I said that I would buy her dinner, but I really wanted a place that would serve us.  I was exhausted after working Friday through Tuesday, sometimes closing one night and opening the next day.  We went to the sandwich shop…it was a do it yourself.  So we left and walked to the Chinese place, it was a buffet, so we left.  And walked to the Mexican place, it was a do it yourself.  So we walked to the further away light…a third light and it had a crosswalk!  OMG we were so happy.  Then, we still nearly got ran over by a car turning and not paying attention.  She screamed obscenities at them and was completely unshaken.  My beautiful brave girl.  How did she turn out this way with a scaredy cat for a mom?  We got across and walked to the other Chinese place.  It was closed.  So we crossed another street and another group of buildings…not one restaurant.  After walking for 30 minutes we decided to go on to my favorite Mexican restaurant.  Well, you have heard the expression…where the sidewalk ends.  It actually did and there was a huge drainage canal and no walkway.  I was sad and said we would have to go home.  She said no we don’t….you wanna be served dammit!  So I put a leg over the guardrail and looked at her, standing there all wrapped up in her red fuzzy blanket covered in white hearts.  She put a leg over, too and we watched the car lights approaching and felt the cold wind blow our hair and clothes as they rushed past.  I could smell exhaust fumes and feel the wind change to warm as I would end up on the back side of the cars.  Hot and cold.  We noticed there was only a six inch sideroad thing for us to run down.  We finally saw a break in the cars and ran our asses off.  Seems in the dark we misjudged the distance.  It was about five car lengths and felt like it would never end.  We could hear the next batch of cars quickly approaching and we were caught between on of the six lanes and the cement barrier.  We ran faster, fighting to breath in the cold air and at last….grass…we jumped over just as the cars flew by.  Breathless we laughed…we did it!  Slowly we walked the rest of the way to the restaurant.  That meal was the best I have ever had there.  And I have had some other great meals there, one with my best friend and one with a very precious friend who took me on a date there the last time he was in town.  But this meal…it was something.  I was even texting with the precious friend and telling him of my adventure and what restaurant it led me to.  I think he just accepts my adventurous spirit.  He laughed.  Anyway, halfway through the meal I asked my daughter when would my son be home.  She called him and he was home.  So he begrudgingly came and got us and he was not happy with our decisions for the evening.  I’m not to do that again.  I love how much he loves us and was concerned.  No more crossing the drainage ditch for me.

So that is my week.  I am tired, emotionally worn, physically hurting and yet my heart is full.

Thank you for reading and have a great week!  x

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