Archive for the ‘doctors’ Category

For any of you who know me, you know I will be fifty in March.  So you may think I am talking about the menopausal change often referred to as ‘the change’.  You would be wrong.  That particular change is the least of my concerns right now.

My stomach and back problems started a decade or two ago.  I have had four endoscopies in my life, trying to find the problem.  I have also had x-rays, MRIs, CT scans, ultrasounds, bloodwork and been poked and prodded for years. I have changed diets like one would change socks, trying to identify the foods that hurt me.  The only thing I knew for sure was that stress made it much worse.  I spent years in therapy, trying to figure out why I generally chose stressful situations in my life, be it stressful relationships or stressful employment or stressful hobbies.  Always gravitating toward the stress.  I am finally on the right road to move away from most of the stresses that are presented to me.  Some are inevitable, and I am doing my best to learn how to control my reactions.  From what I understand, controlling myself is more than half the battle.

Before proper therapy, where I agreed to become a case study for the state, it had gotten so bad, that I attempted suicide to make the mental stress and stomach pain stop.  It was at that point that the state took an interest in me and gave me the help I had so desperately needed.  It helped a lot but not enough.  Wellness seems to be filling in the mental cracks for me and I am grateful.  I will never be perfect and always have the right reactions.  I wish I could do that.  It would fix a lot of the issues I have, when it comes to stress.

This year I had had enough and asked my primary doctor to send me to an allergist so I could find out what foods I am actually allergic to.  I would find out that I am only mildly gluten and lactose intolerant.  I asked why do tomatoes, oranges, lemons etc make it so I can’t breathe?  They didn’t know.  So I asked if it was all in my head.  They said no, that the symptoms are real.  They can see it upon examination.  My throat was swollen on the inside.  So they did an environmental panel on my back.  The doc said, oh there’s the problem.  You are allergic to the world.  We started allergy shots.  A shot in each arm three times a week for six months.  But I was still having trouble swallowing (it was like I would forget how to swallow and choke on food or water), I would wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air, my back still hurt, my stomach still hurt and I had the worst of coughs.  My weight was continuing to rise, as well.  My allergist diagnosed me with asthma and put me on three different inhalers, two of which are daily.  It helped some, but not enough.  He then put me on prescription nexium ($450 a month, thank God we have insurance so I only pay $10).  I even tried prednisone!  Nothing fixed me.  After 6 months he decided to send me to a GI.  They did a colonoscopy and endoscopy and that’s when things began to change.  The GI gave me meds for stomach pain and nausea.  They help so much.

All of that being said, I was told that losing weight would help with my diagnosis of scoliosis and back pain.  It would also help with acid reflux.  But I could never get the weight down due to the stress.  Or rather, due to my REACTIONS to stress.  I am still working on that.  It is so difficult to change reactions when it is what you have done your whole life.  But I am determined to overcome my own road blocks.

The last year ended in all kinds of diagnosis.  Asthma, scoliosis, hiatal hernia, diverticulitis, benign adrenal adenoma, spot on my lung from inflammation due to a persistent cough, removal of polyps from my colon, removal of a hyperplastic polyp from my stomach and finally Barrett’s oesophagus.  That last one is having the biggest impact.  That one means precancerous.  Riding the line.  Get it under control or cancer is on its way.

I have eliminated all the things that help it progress like, coffee, alcohol, acidic fruits and veggies, meat and dairy.  I am down 8 pounds since the diagnosis on December 21st, 2018.

So this year is the year of ‘the change’ for me.  It is the year that change my lifestyle.  I will stick to this new way of… eating to live and not living to eat.  It’s a matter of keeping cancer at bay.  The weight loss goes right along with that.  Lower weight means less pressure on my insides causing more acid reflux.  This is the year of continued reactionary growth.  It is even more important that I get a grip on my reactions, no matter how stressful the situation.  If it’s too much to handle I need to leave the situation.  If it is people refusing to respect the severity of the situation and continue to overstep my healthy boundaries, I need to remove them from my life.

Thankfully for me, the majority of the people in my life are a loving, positive presence.  They are tremendously appreciated.  The others either need to be seen in small doses or removed altogether.  I would say that it is on them, but really it’s all my decision.  It’s my responsibility to control my reactions, as well as decide who is and isn’t in my life.

I am taking control of me.  I will always get back up when I get knocked down.  And I will welcome the help of those who love me.  I am blessed with the best support system anyone could ask for.

Okay 2019, let’s do this.  Self control, healthy reactions, gratitude, forgiveness and love.  This is the year of ‘the change’.

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