Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

Hello everyone.  My blog is a bit late this week, as I have been preoccupied with my new love interest and with writing my novel.

So first things first.  This has been a whirlwind of a week and I have been so happy sleep has eluded me.  I lay there in my bed and my mind spins around recalling the scenes I have written, people I have spoken with and the words my love shared with me.  My heart is just so full right now.  Friends, family and love.  What more do you need?  Well, food…and I keep forgetting to eat.  But I still love all of this.

I start my new job at Dollar Tree on Wednesday, that will pay my bills until my book is out.  I was approached by a fellow author, asking if he could possibly use one of my pictures for the cover of his book.  He may use it and he may not, but either way it was an honor that he even considered me.  I also found out this week that I have an editor.  Another fellow author and dear friend arranged that for me.  Facebook has been such a wonderful blessing.  The fantastic people I have met there have truly enriched my life and continue to do so.  I only hope I can return that for them somehow.

I went to a birthday party for my son in laws aunt and had a fabulous time there.  Good people, good food and white wine.  I am an introvert and at one point I wondered off onto the back porch and visited with people.  I even pulled a chair up and sat among them…not off to the side somewhere.  My daughter went looking for me and she came out and found me.  She said, “Well, look at you.  Socializing.  I’m so proud of you!”  lol  Then later I was sitting on the couch and the sweetest girl in the world sat on my lap and kissed me.  That’s what happens when you go to a party and drink too much.  I will post a pic.  😉

Then before we left, my son in law’s grandmother (a feisty fiery woman that I just adore) says to me, “I know a book you should write.  You should write a mystery called ‘where the hell did my right breast go?'”  Then she lifted up her shirt and showed me her mastectomy scar.  That woman is one proud survivor!  Gotta admire that!  Anyway, it was a wonderful visit like something out of a movie.  Wood floors, country music, dancing, smoking, drinking, laughing, hugging, eating and just all around a loving wonderful bunch.

And lastly, last night was crazy.  I moved away from a place where violence abounded.  gunshots, fires and stabbings in the apartment complex.  It never seemed too bad though.  I was used to it I suppose.  But now I live in another state in a nice neighborhood.  So there should not be such things.  Well, there was a whole group of teens screaming and such in the middle of the night, so we went to the window to see what was happening.  My son in law went out there to ask and I’ll be damned if a gun didn’t go off.  sigh  This stuff just follows me around.  It’s crazy.  So I will do my best to stay out of your neighborhood.  Because I’m nice that way, of course my current neighbors may argue that.

Well, that seems enough excitement for one week.  Now wish me luck on finishing the book, starting the new job and sleep.  And wish my new love luck…he’s gonna have his hands full with me.

Thank you for reading and have a great week. x

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I had so much fun Monday night it was ridiculous.  We will be going out again soon.  One of my sweetest friends in the whole wide world called me Sunday night to see if I was free on Monday.  He has scored some tickets to a Cirque du Soleil type show and wanted to take me.  I said I was available and on Monday I sent him a text and asked him, “What are you wearing tonight?”  He called and asked, “What?”  So I said again, “What are you wearing?”  He said, “Lacey panties…..what are YOU wearing?”  I laughed and he said, “Jeans and a tshirt.”  haha   So it was casual.  He came and got me and we had a wonderful time.  When we left, we walked to his apartment.  He lives in the building I wanted to live in, back before I moved to Delaware.  And I was right…it was perfect for me.  I am so jealous.  He has wall to wall canvases of his artwork.  We discussed each piece.  I would ask question after question.  And I saw this one piece that was SO beautiful.  I just fell in love with it.  And he gave it to me.  I will attach a picture of it.  After we left his place, we walked across the street to his favorite bar, so he could get some matches.  And as you walk through the bar, you see original artwork all over the walls.  It’s a bar for artists!  It was amazing!

So I was carrying my piece of art and we were walking through old downtown and I saw the park and the beautiful Christmas lights.  He asked if I would like to go for a walk through the park and he reached over and wove his fingers between mine.  So we walked hand in hand looking at the beautiful lights.  After that he brought me home and came in.  He took off a shoe and sock and hung a sock on my door to freak out my kids.  I am always telling them that if they see a sock on the door that means stay out because I will have a man in my room.  He knew they would laugh.  We have known each other for six years and as he puts it, I do not have the right equipment for his interests.  My kids know this.  So he laid on my bed and I showed him my own artwork.  We talked about the books we are writing and the people we plan to go out with.  Then he needed to go and he began to undress.  I giggled and said, “oooooo What are we doing now?”  He said, I wanna freak out your kids again.  So half undressed we walked out of my room and my daughter saw us and he said, “Damn, your mom is good.”  And I said, “I almost have him batting for the other team.”  She laughed and laughed and said, “You two are not right.”  So he got dressed and hugged me and kissed me and told me he loves me.  We will be doing this again soon and I can’t wait!

I also had a night with my son’s fiance.  She has been a little stressed since she lost her mom, this past summer.  And her sister is getting married this weekend and his fiance is the maid of honor.  She is also filling in for their mom, doing all the things mom would normally be doing.  So we had a night with just the two of us.  He had hot wings and fries…totally blowing our healthy eating choices and put on Brothers Grimm.  We didn’t really see much of the movie, as we were talking the whole time.  She was so precious.  She wouldn’t let anyone come in the room with us.  My son in law came in and looked at the t.v.  She glared at him and then he looked at her…She said, “It’s my night with Madre.  Go away!”  He slowly eased out of the room.  I giggled.  She seemed a lot less stressed by the end of the evening and that really made me happy.  I just love her so much.

My daughter wanted an Elf on a Shelf, so I got her one.  My son’s fiance detests them and says they are creepy.  So my daughter would place the elf in areas where my son’s fiance would find them and freak out.  My daughter always had the elf holding a sign that said DIE and a knife in his hands.  I would see the elf all over the house and shake my head and smile.  Every time my son’s fiance would find the elf, she would remove the knife and hide him.  Then my daughter would search the house and find him and place him again.  This went on for day and was very entertaining to watch.

Christmas was amazing this year.  I have been away from my children on Christmas morning for the last four years.  I woke up to the sounds of the kids exciting announcing it was Christmas morning, outside my door.  Then they came in and got me.  When I got to the living room, the lights were on the tree, the presents in piles by person, Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song” playing on the big screen t.v. and my son had a place picked out, on the other side of him on the couch.  I watched as the kids opened their presents from each other and me.  It was so fun, my son’s fiance was in charge of everything.  She would say when we could open a gift, because she wanted to watch everyones reaction and see what all they got, my son in law teased her about being bossy, my daughter was half asleep and my son was just so happy, he is much like me in these instances.  My heart was so full, I thought it would burst.  I got some wonderful gifts, but I would have been happy with just being there, in that moment.

And the last thing I will be writing about for the week, my date.  I went on a date this week.  Not a friend date, but a real date.  We have known each other since high school.  Neither of us has really changed that much, just older really.  We had a lot to talk about.  He moved to LA a good 8 years ago and has made a name for himself as a voice actor.  So he is familiar with websites, fans, podcasts, marketing and things of that nature.  It was wonderful to pick his brain til two this morning.  We went out to dinner and stayed til they closed, just getting caught up.  Then we decided to go out for coffee.  It was so cold out.  No Starbucks were open after eleven.  So we ended up in a Waffle house.  Interesting thing happened.  It seems I did rip one on our first date…that is…I ripped my one pair of jeans, right up the back.  Luckily, I wore a brown suede vest over my grey top and favorite jeans, with brown boots.  The vest hung mid calf which ended up being a life saver for me.  One of the times we climbed back in the car, my jeans ripped up the back.  My favorite, fifteen year old jeans ripped up the back of my ass.  It was so funny.  We both laughed and laughed and I told him…”See, never a dull moment with me.”  He said, “Your life plays out like a sitcom.”  I said, “You have no idea.”  And we laughed some more.  It was a lovely evening.

And that is it for this week.  As always, it’s been a good one.  I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and have a happy new year.

Until next year.  Thank you for reading and have a great week.  x

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Well, this week I did a bad thing.  A very bad thing.  It was not intentional but that is no excuse.  And as best as I can tell, everything is alright, but I still feel like the worst person to ever walk the face of the earth.

My daughter and I were visiting some very lovely friends.  I really do love these people so much.  So there we were, a room full of pretty much adults and one precious little 6 year old girl who was sitting right next me.  In my excitement to see everyone and the fact that I have not been around a small child around the holidays in probably 10 years or more, I did not have my child mind going.  I was in my adult mindset.  Someone said they wondered when Santa was born.  My daughter looked it up on her phone and said 1773.  In my stupidity, I said, “I know where Santa is buried…Ireland.”  They said, no he’s not.  I said, “Yes he is.”  Then you coulda heard a pin drop.  They all looked at the sweet little girl sitting next to me.  She said, “Santa’s not dead.”  I said, “No, he’s not.  I was just kidding.  What did you ask him for this year?”  She said, “A Furby boom.”  I asked what that was.  She looked at me like I was moron and said, “You don’t now what a Furby boom is?!”  The others explained that it is pretty much what the old Furby’s were.  Then everyone went into the other room to work on the Christmas tree and left me alone with the girl.  I asked her what did Santa bring her last year.  She said, “I don’t remember but my Grandma gave me a cuddle buddy.”  I asked what that was.  Again, she looked at me like I was a moron and held her hand up like she was doing a sock puppet.  She said, “It’s a puppet and a blanket.”  Then she slowed her speech down to make sure I understood.  She said, “A blanket, so you can cuddle,” And she did the hand again and said very slowly, “And a puppet…buddy.  A cuddle buddy.”  Then her eyes looked into mine and she raised an eyebrow waiting to see if I understood.  I said,  ”Ohhh, I get it.  A cuddle buddy.”  She smiled.  Then her eyes lit up and she said, “I remember what Santa got me last year!”  I asked what was that.  She looked at me and thought for a minute and said, “It’s too hard to explain to you.  Nevermind.”  And we retreated to the room with all the other people and the tree.  Before we left, she hugged me goodbye.  I honestly think that in her mind, I am just an idiot.  So it’s all good.  Because, well, I am an idiot.  Or I was that day anyway.  I contacted the family to apologize again and was told it didn’t even phase her.  whew.  I got a repeat lesson in think before you speak.

My daughter had a photoshoot to do, out at the park.  She needed to be in some of the pictures though, so I volunteered to take a few for her.  Mine need some serious work, but it got the done.  I will post one of me and daughter from that day.  It was fun.

And one last thing.  I found out that if you are going to have friends over, you have to warn everyone else in the house in advance.  You don’t want to be sitting there in your pajamas, with cold cream on your face and watching tv when company comes over.  The son in law forgot to warn people and it upset the house.  The fiance ended up in my room, working on her blog.  Later my daughter came back, too.  The girls started working on my son’s Christmas present.  My son kept trying to come in.  The girls would scream at him to leave.  He said he wanted his fiance to come watch a movie with him.  Well, after several attempts to enter or get the fiance to come out, he came back again.  This time he hollered through the door…”Are you coming?”  I yelled back, “No, she’s not screaming yet.”  With that I got a loud groan and MOMMMMMM, from my son.  But it made me laugh and he didn’t come back to bother her again.

Oh yes, and my daughter did a photoshoot with me in my burgundy cape.   After an hours of hair straightening, (I will post a pic), push up bras, being turned, posed, poked and prodded, the pictures didn’t turn out very well.  So I just took one with my phone and decided to try another photoshoot next week out in the woods.  That should be different and maybe the lighting will be better.

There were many other things that happened this week, but those are the highlights.

Thank you for reading and have a great week!  x

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My son’s fiance’s blog:  http://theotherdaughterofshe.wordpress.com/2013/12/20/white-lightening-tantrums-and-crap/

Well, this week has been interesting, to say the least.  The week started out with me in the kitchen, doing dishes and my son’s fiance in the bathroom putting on her makeup.  I can’t remember if the boys were home or not.  I suppose it wouldn’t matter, as one is married to my daughter and the other has learned the art of looking away quickly if he sees more skin than clothes out of the corner of his eye.  My daughter came traipsing through the house, clad in nothing more than her sweat pants and fuzzy socks, holding her bare breasts in her hands and yelling, “Anybody seen my bra?”  My son’s fiance came out of the bathroom and saw my daughter, then she looked at me and shook her head.  I did the same and went back to doing the dishes, as she went back to doing her make up.

I went to a museum with my son.  He had to go to complete a project for college and asked me to come along.  I used to take him when he was a kid.  So many memories came flooding back, like being banned by his teacher from assisting with student field trips.  I caused problems apparently.  First, every time you go over rail road tracks in the school bus, we all had to be quiet and raise our hand.  I thought that just applied to the kids.  I didn’t know that I couldn’t keep talking to my friend, the stay at home dad.  And at the museum, it was the first time we were ever exposed to Georgia O’Keefe.  I stood there, behind the kids, staring at a painting and thinking…that reminds me of something.  I must have looked confused, because stay at home dad leaned over and whispered…I am having deja vu’ of exiting my mother’s womb and entering the world.  That was it!  I giggled and we were scolded.  Then we came to the next painting and I swear all I could see were lady parts from that point on and the little girl in me would not stop giggling.  So, yes…banned.

Anyway, long story short about the museum.  I oooo’d and awwwww’d all over the museum, whisking my poor son from exhibit to exhibit.  I would get an inch from the sculpture or painting and take pics.  My son would whisper…mom, you’re too close, the guards are hovering.  I would just smile and shoo him away.  They never said anything to me directly.  I would rename the work things like…OMG Where are his parts? (looked like it had been broken off) or oooooo Creepy lady…or this one carving had a man holding a woman’s breast so I called it  ”well, okay then…”  My son laughed a lot at the things I would point out or say or ask, like, is that naked person a man or a woman?  He would smile when I would gasp at beauty or point out small details that left me utterly speechless.  It was an icy ride there, remnants from the ice storm, and an icy ride home.  But so very very fun.

Another time, I came in the kitchen and my daughter was standing there with her pajama shirt over her head and buttoning it up.  I asked what she was doing.  She said she was cold.  That was weird so I took a pic.  I will show you all.

Another night,  the girls were being silly in the hallway, my daughter in my son’s fiance’s lap, threatening to lick her face.  She had her pinned.  My son’s fiance was fighting her off and laughing so hard she cried.  I got another pic.

And lastly, I went on a friend date.  I haven’t been out with someone of the opposite sex (not in a relationship with) … ever.  I was so nervous.  But the kids were just plain freaked out!  I told them I would be going to dinner with a friend I met playing an online game.  I we have spent the last 6 months building this friendship.  He lives with his girlfriend and said she was fine with us going to dinner.  The kids were all…he’s not real…you met him online…he will kill you!  I tried to calm their fears.  But my son, daughter and son in law were all worried about me.  They kept saying, he will rape and murder you.  So my son took my phone and put in his number, my daughter’s number and his fiance’s number to make sure I could call them all on speed dial.  Then he would test me to make sure I knew which number was his and how to dial him using speed dial.  My daughter came to me with a switchblade and make me practice opening and closing it and had me put it in my purse.  The son in law was concerned because I don’t have my CHL anymore and therefore can’t carry a gun.  I looked at my son’s fiance and said, “Well, at least you are aren’t worried I will get raped and murdered.  What on earth is wrong with them?”  She said, “I don’t know.  I don’t worry about you getting murdered.  I worry that you will get kept in a dungeon forever.”  I just shook my head.

He showed up and the kids weren’t too obnoxious, no inquisition.  We got in his car and we were only two houses down and my daughter was sending me a text.  She sent a few more but then she calmed down a bit…I think.  Dinner went well.  Conversation was nice.  And he brought me home.  But I don’t think I am ready for friend dates.  I need more time to heal, more time to spend with my kids and more time to learn me.  And I am pretty sure this pleases my kids.  They breathe easier now.  I do have to admit, it is sweet how loved I feel by my kids.  The worry about me, the same way I worry about them.

And leaving you on a funny note, my son’t fiance lost her keys.  This is a common occurrence and my daughter always helps her find them.  But what made me laugh was my son.  He hollered at his fiance, “Did you look in your bra?  I can check there for you.”  I laughed so hard but they girls just ignored him.  He said to me, “Yeah, I say that every time.   She don’t pay any attention anymore.”

Now to get started on Game of Thrones.  My son in law put them on that stick thing that goes in my computer and makes magic appear.

Thank you for reading and have a great week!  xImageImage

My daughter’s link.  The week through her eyes.

http://victoryasite.wordpress.com/2013/12/13/i-have-discovered-fire/

And here is yet a third perspective by my son’s fiance.

http://theotherdaughterofshe.wordpress.com/2013/12/14/theyve-sucked-me-in/