Archive for the ‘inspiration’ Category

Changes are being made in my life right now.  The ones that are too personal, will not be mentioned here.  That still leaves many others to tell.  So my week.  It has been riddled with ups and downs, feelings of loss and despair to hope and laughter.  Let’s start with my trek across the good ole US of A.  I made it to the airport, heart broken, lost and unsure of what lay ahead.  I had never even visited the home where I would soon reside.  But I knew the people in it.  Two of the four I birthed myself.  My daughter, her husband, my son and his fiance’.  I love them all and get along with them all.

At the airport, I needed to just stay focused on the trip itself.  Try not to think of the life I was leaving, nor the one I was headed to.  Just the trip itself.  I had my little dog with me.  He is ten pounds of nothing and sweet as can be.  I got to the airport, worried that his canvas carrier would be too big to allow him on the flight.  But it wasn’t.  I got my tickets…yes tickets…plural.  My dog needed a separate ticket.  In fact, his ticket cost $26.00 more than mine and he didn’t even get his own seat!  So, we got our tickets and headed to security.  Now, I had to take off my shoes, take my dog out of his carrier and put his collar in the bucket to run through x-ray.  Did all that and thought it would be simple to just walk through the metal detector and retrieve my things.  I honestly thought the most challenging part would be putting the dog BACK into the carrier.  We walked through and they said they needed to check my hands for explosives.  As I held my dog, they wiped my hands with a little strip of paper and put it into the machine.  Lights, bells and whistles went off alerting them that I might be a bomber.  I was promptly rushed to another area to be patted down.  They taok my dog and put him back in his carrier and had me stand with my feet spread on some mat.  Another person wiped down my purse and the carrier to check for more explosives and it came back clear.  As they were doing this, my little dog was trying to run away, so he was rolling all over the place in his carrier as he loudly cried.  Yes, my dog runs from danger.  He will never protect me.  I figured his logic is…”hey, someone’s gotta tell the story…”.  So then they taook me to a private room with two people and said to me, “We have to pat you down.  We will run a hand up the crack of your butt and under your breasts and up the insides of your legs.  Please put your arms out of the way.”  So I did and they did.  Then they wiped their gloves with that paper strip and put it in the machine…more bells and whistles.  That was when they had to call in an expert.  He came in and looked me over, checked my things and put the items back through the x-ray.  I was good.  They said it must have been my hair care products or hand sanitizer and sent me on my way.

Well, that was fun.  Luckily, I fully expect things of this nature to happen to me, it is just inevitable.  So I found myself fighting laughter through the whole process.  I fought the little dog back into his carrier and hung the bag containing him over my shoulder.  I figured I would grab a bite to eat and sit down in the terminal and wait the hour and a half to fly out.  I found a stand and walked in and picked up a container of strawberries and blueberries.  Then, I noticed that they had gluten free food!  I am allergic to gluten and much more.  So I put back the fruit.  “No fruit for me this time!” I thought to myself and smiled.  I saw gluten free sandwiches! I was so excited I could barely contain myself, until I saw that they all had tomato on them.  I am allergic to tomato.  I excitedly walked over to the gluten free baked goods.  But then I saw they all had chocolate in them.  I am allergic to chocolate.  But then I saw salads!  sigh With tomato in them.  I picked up my fruit, paid for it and headed to the terminal.  Finally there, I sat down and put my little dog on the ground.  He cried so I put him in my lap.  He cried, so I stood up, tossed him, still in his bag back over my shoulder, and walked the airport looking for Benadryl to help him calm down.  After 45 minutes of searching I read that I could give him Dramamine, so I bought some.  It was finally time to board and he was quiet so long as we were walking.  Once on the flight, I had to put him on the floor under the seat in front of me.  He cried and cried and cried.  Dramamine did not help.  Once in the air, I put him in my lap and he was better, still not great, but better.  I knew it would be a long three and a half hours on that flight with no writing time.  At one point I had to use the restroom.  I headed back with the dog in his bag over my shoulder.  The flight attendant said I had to leave him under the seat.  I said, “Okay but he will scream.”  and I headed back to my seat.  But I guess with the two screaming babies on board and then the dog, too, she had had enough and said, “Take him with you.”  Wow.  I thought those bathrooms were small before, but try using one with your screaming dog in a carrier!  I made it back to my seat and it was time to land, so I had to put the dog back under the seat and we all heard him cry for the last half hour.  I am sure everyone on that flight wanted to hurt me, except the moms of the screaming babies.  They were glad the people were focused on me, I think.

Finally  land and get off the plane.  We were thirty minutes early!  Yay!  I called the kids, who were in route.  They said they were planning me landing later so they would be there in a half hour.  I could feel the bruise on my shoulder and wanted to rest but couldn’t, for the dog would cry.  After a half hour of walking with the dog, I called the kids.  They got lost and it would be another half hour.  I watched all the people leave with their families and I was one of the only three people left by the time the kids made it.  I was so happy to see them.  I got in the car and we headed home, only to realize we were on empty.  We needed gas….right then!  We exited toward a gas station.  It was confusing in the dark.  There was a small street, just before you came to the station.  So we passed it and looked for a place to turn in.  There was none and it was a one way street.  So the kids drove across the grass and over a curb and voila…we made it into the gas station parking lot.  I love how adventurous my kids are.  We got gas and made it home.  And what a lovely home it is.  My room is beautiful and comfortable.  I didn’t sleep well.  Maybe it was all the changes or excitement or the people I missed that were on my mind.

The next day was fun.  My son took off work to spend the day with me.  We got groceries I could eat and watched movies.  The day after that, my daughter took me to get some furniture for my room to make it more comfortable and to have places for all of my things.  My son in law and son’s fiance’ listen to me rattle on about nothingness.  The kids work together like the intricacies of an old clock.  The gears in perfect sync.  It looks like madness and confusion at times, but when you look closely, it all makes perfect sense.  It’s like a ballet even.  The movement and spinning and here and there, but nobody trips, they just flow.  And now I get to be a part of this dance, too.  My coordination lacks, but I know they will catch me if I fall, so it’s all good.

There is always someone to talk with, go places with, eat with, watch movies with…it really is quite beautiful.  I know it won’t last forever, but I love this moment in time and will cherish it.

There is more, much much more, but no need to write a novel just yet.  I will save some for next week.

Thank you for reading and have a great week.  x

P.S.  I am adding a bit to this piece.  My kids just knocked on my door and said to come to the kitchen for my surprise.  They presented me with a welcome home card full of beautiful words that made my eyes water and little gift box.  I opened it and found a house key that they had made for me with pink hearts and pink stones in it.  I truly am home.  ❤

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This week has been about moving, getting settled and molding young minds.  I have two moves inside of four weeks.  That in itself is exhausting.  The first of the two moves has been done.  This past week has been about a multitude of feelings, anxieties, and fears.  All of which have been accomplished.  Not sure if that is good or bad or maybe just life.  There is little worse than being blind sided with information you never knew existed, but that has happened as well.  I liken it to the saying, “when life throws you lemons…make lemonade”, but what do you do when life throws a freakin boulder at your face?  I have tossed that one around a bit and come up with a few answers.  One, you can take a sledge hammer and bust it into a thousand bits.  Two, let it take you out and pray for a quick end.  Three, duck…  Who knows what is the correct answer, I suppose it really doesn’t matter.  You see a boulder coming and in the end, you just deal with it.  We all get caught off guard, we all get knocked down.  All that matters is that we all get back up again.  Took a bit, but I got up, dusted off my britches, took a deep breath and am ready to face the next boulder or light fluffy, playful snowball…whatever life has for me…bring it.

The plus to this week was the precious little girls who were fascinated by a children’s book I wrote.  I think the best part of the experience was when one decided she wanted to write  a book, too.  So I got to ask her things like, what is on your mind?  What do you want to write a story about?  Oh, a flower?  Where does it live?  Where will it go?  Oh, dear, what happens next?  It was so wonderful to see the wheels turning in her mind and to encourage her to write.  It made my heart sing to see the excitement in her eyes as her character sprang to life in her imagination!  Only thing better than writing is teaching a child to write.  Showing a child that she can create characters, follow their adventures and put it on paper.  Amid all my own heartache, turmoil and sad surprises, this was the one thing that could make it all okay.  I am so grateful for that experience.  I honestly forgot how good teaching feels.

My goal this week is to write.  Write on my book.  My characters have waited patiently as I have cried my own river, lost sight of my goals in all my hurts and learned to smile again through a child’s excitement in a story she created.  I can do this, I will do this…for as a writer, I really have no choice but to do this.

Until next Friday, I bid you farewell.  x

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You can find inspiration in any thing.  Look at the leaf I found in the parking lot today.  It told me that Mother Nature loves me.  When hurricane Irene blew in, I looked out the sliding glass door and watched in awe.  I remembered being a little girl and seeing the wind blow and finding myself in need of her presence.  I would walk outside and close my eyes and feel her wrap around me, then just as quickly, pulling away.  I would open my eyes and chase her.  As a child, I wanted her to hug me again.  As an adult, I missed feeling Mother Nature play with me.  I chose to go to her.  Walking out into the storm, the warm rain pouring over me, I opened my arms and beckoned her to accept this dance.  My eyes closed, the darkness all around, the rain washing over me, I could feel Irene pull me close and twirl me around.  She came and accept my offer.  She danced with me.  We whirled and twirled to the music made by the leaves, wind and rain.  I danced until there was nothing left of me, not one more drop of energy to share with my blessed Irene.  She eased her grip and allowed me to retreat, spent and satisfied.  I will always remember my dance with Irene.

I hadn’t really thought much about Irene since that day.  Tho today, I was out and about in a parking lot.  I saw this leaf and it made me smile, it was a message from Mother Nature, a message from Irene.  My heart warmed over and thought, “I love you, too.  We will always have that dance.”

So, just remember, you can find inspiration in any thing.  Watch for the obvious and surely you will see what I mean.

Until next Friday, I bid you farewell.  x